Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
