If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
