yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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