You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
