We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
