I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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