I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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