I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
