Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
