Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
