In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
