I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
