My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize