I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
