Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
