remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize