just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
