I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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