I have demons in me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
