If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize