Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
