i don't plan on having that self control this summer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
