I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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