the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
