chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
