watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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