so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
