I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
