apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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