I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
