i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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