Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
