they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
