i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
