maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
