it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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