we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
