did you get engaged???
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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