Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
