He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
