dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
