quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
