I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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