I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize