Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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