I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
