Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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