All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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