Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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