every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
