I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
