dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
