We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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