I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
