Buhtt sex?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
