Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
