I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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