Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
