Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
