Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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