she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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