Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
