My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize