I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
