Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
