Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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