how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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