take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
