Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
