so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
