we're chasing vodka with high fives
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
