i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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