I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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