woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
