let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
