i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
