You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
