It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
