3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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