Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize