i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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