i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
